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| Logo developed by The at Syracuse University. Poster and T-Shirts are available |
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Roy Bedward
My name is Roy Bedward. I like to have linear objects close at hand. I work in a grocery store and I like to have orderly shelves. I stock the shelves then I might be sure they look straight. I love my Mom.
What difference has using FC made in your life?
In some ways it has made no difference but in others it made more difference than I can even say. I mean it when I say it has changed me from a stupid retarded maniac to a somewhat smart guy who doesn’t talk.
What is the most important thing you would like people to understand or do to support FC?
I want them to know that it saved my life and made living seem worthwhile. It gave me hope for the first time ever and it made me be a better person and it made it possible to tell my Mom that I love her.
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If You Could Live Inside My Skin
By Roy Bedward
If you could live inside my skin for a moment or a day
You would see the shadows there
They hover around the body’s outer form
The help and hinder all at once
But they are no more
Now colors have taken their place
And even though I know they will return
I have seen the colors and been awakened to their beauty
and the possibilities they bring to me
They are glowing inside my skin and radiating out my body
Don’t disrupt them so they will leave
And I will be left again with only dark and lonely shadows to keep me company.
I’m done now.
It is fun to write poetry but I helped myself to more words than I deserve. I don’t deserve words. They are too good for me.
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10/15/00
One time they took my clothes and then left.
12/26/00
I want to tell about the time I stole my anonymity. I stood on the roof pissing high in the air. After that the staff had me named as a troublemaker. They watched me all the time and hated me.
12/30/00
I feel hopeful to tell you about the time I almost left the institution. I took the only opportunity I ever got when I jumped on the roof inside the storage shed. Then I waited for them to leave. Then I jumped down and felt free for the first time in over three years. I tried to run over the grass to the street when they stopped me. Too close to the gate.
1/16/01
I want to tell about the time I got staff mad at me. I stole their keys. They almost killed me. I wanted to escape more than I wanted to live.
1/23/01
I want to tell about the time I took the donuts. They were so mad at me they made me eat shit. This is not a happy story.
1/31/01
I want to tell about my time in solitary. I hated it. It made me crazy.
3/8/01
I want to tell about the time I lost my nerve when I was escaping from the state institution. I was jumping over a fence and I got scared about what I would do on the other side. Then I went back and they were so mad at me that they took my clothes. I had to stay inside the rest of the day and everyone laughed at naked Roy. I am tired.
3/11/01
I want to tell about the time I almost escaped from the state institution. I went to bed at the regular time but I did not go to sleep. Instead I waited for staff to tell us lights out then I got on my clothes and sneaked out of the building but the alarms went off and I got called on the carpet for too many escape attempts so they took my clothes away and held me captive for years. You can’t imagine how much I hated it there. It was hell on earth but I held on to the dream of better times to come.
3/27/01
I am scared to tell about the time I almost drowned at the state institution. I am so angry. Don’t let me near a knife. I was in the bathtub when I heard them talking about me and saying, “Wouldn’t it be cool if Bedward drowned in the tub?” I heard them laugh and tell each other, “I dare you to go push his head under.” But then the supervisor came in and they stopped the plan. Yes, it was the worst day of my life.
* These are Roy’s exact words however punctuation has been added for clarity
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